I started blogging as a personal outlet and as a sort of accountability. It’s been 9 months since I have posted anything, due to some major life changes this past year. I would like to believe that someone has missed my blogging, but in reality, I am probably the only one that really cares. =)
Hopefully I will be able to get back to a regular schedule.
2012 has been a difficult year. Unforeseen circumstances led me to a place of worry and fear. I found myself asking, “why”. Why would God allow us to go through these things? Why does life have to be so hard? Why are people so hurtful? Why do they do such awful things? Why is the world so unGodly? Why can’t we all get along?
I don’t understand all of the answers to all the why’s. But I do know that I serve an awesome God who is in complete control of every little, intimate detail of my life. I know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and that with God all things are possible.
The week before Christmas, 2011, Hunter was unexpectedly laid off. We were both in a state of shock and disbelief. We had been pretty confident in his job security. We were apparently overconfident. Life as I knew it was over.
I was used to being my own boss. I could send the kids off to school and the day was mine to do as I pleased. Of course I had daily chores and obligations, but I could do it at my pace, and in my time, without interruption. This was all over. In my heart, I knew that things were going to be hard. I was certain that our marriage would suffer. I believe with all my heart, that God did NOT intend for husband and wife to spend every waking moment together!
I was prepared for intense conflict…but God had something else in mind.
Instead of conflict and turmoil, He allowed our relationship to be strengthened. Over the next months, our love for each other grew. We spent an incredible amount of time together…and it was good! He was home to help with homework and bedtime. He was able to help with the toting of kids to and from their activities. We talked! Not the normal way, where I talk and he pretends to listen. Or where he talks and I don’t hear a word. It was more than talking, it was communication. It was a new revelation! How amazing it is when a husband and wife actual communicate with each other and are on the same page. There are times when it feels as if we are in different chapters of different books, but God gave us a gift. Not only were we in the same book, but the same chapter and page.
We learned to love and appreciate each other in a new way.
I am always amazed by the unique ways that God has of getting our attention and working in our lives! We were blessed to have had some money from our fall harvest to be able to supplement unemployment for those months.
God was there!
In April, Hunter started a new job. He couldn’t get many hours and the pay turned out to be worse than being on unemployment. Our money had run out and financially, we started heading downhill. To top it off, he hated the job. He was coming home every night physically drained, and as the bills started piling up he became emotionally drained, also. He held on, hoping and waiting for things to change, but after several months, there was no change and we were getting farther behind.
He began to look for other work, but nothing seemed to be working out. We were both becoming discouraged. It’s so easy to trust God when things are manageable, but when things get completely out of your control, it’s so much harder.
We prayed so fervently and it seemed as if
God was just holding things in His hand to prove that He could.
During the unemployment, we were still getting by, we had the extra funds and everything seemed to be working out. We were getting along wonderfully and had a lot more family time. We knew God was with us, but we still felt like we were “in control” of things. But now, with the new, awful job and the depleted funds, things were hard. We realized that we had NO control over our lives. God was controlling everything.
Through much prayer and perseverance, and a time of truly giving everything over to Him, God blessed us with another job. In September, Hunter started a new job that he enjoys and (after we get caught up) it should be able to sustain us.
God is always working, whether we see it or not. He is in control of everything. There is nothing too big or too small for Him to handle. He has our best interest in mind…always. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He is the One True God, Awesome in Power, Mighty in Love and Worthy of all our Honor and Praise!
It’s so easy to praise God when life is going good, but it can be a real challenge to praise Him in the hard times. Praying always, with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit. Give it all to God, no matter what. Let everything else go and hold on to Him as tight as you can. He covers a multitude of sin. There is nothing too big that His mighty power cannot overcome.
Feeling very unworthy of his love and forgiveness today. And so very aware of His never-ending mercy and grace that He gave us on the cross. Thank you, God, for loving me through all my faults and failures. I’m so grateful that Your mercies ARE new EVERY morning.
I love this song as a reminder to praise Him in everything.
When you look down into the beautiful eyes of your newborn baby, and see the amazing gift that God has given you, you have no idea the heartache that you will have for that child. The physical pain that you felt during labor, is insignificant compared to the emotional hurt you will feel as you watch them grow. Training turns into guiding. Guiding is the hardest task I have been given so far. Teaching them to eat their veggies and clean their rooms now seems trivial.
Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
I have claimed this promise for my children. It is my utmost responsibility, the most important task God has given me. As my children are getting older, I am questioning my ability to accomplish this task. I doubt myself in areas that I always thought I was firm in. And now, as the training is turning into guiding, I question whether I have trained well enough, or whether I have even begun to hit the mark.
Have I really taught them the way they should go? Is their faith strong enough to withstand the wiles of the devil? Will they make the right choice when faced with difficult situations? Is their faith their own? Can they make those difficult decisions when I’m not standing over their shoulder?
My heart cries for one child who tells me everything he encounters, and it aches for another who shares nothing.
My children are faced with choices that can affect them their entire life. The training is over, the guiding has begun. The guard rail is down and the lines are left in place to guide them. Praying they don’t choose the wrong road and that they will allow God to take control of their lives.