Many days have passed since I last posted. Life has been a roller coaster for me, as it has been for many. I’ve found it extremely hard and painful to sit down and put my heart out there. Today, I am feeling strongly urged to do so. I have such a burden on my heart that I can’t ignore it.
I have been so busy trying to survive the circumstances of life, that I haven’t been completely open to hearing God speak to me. I talk to Him, I cry out to Him and yet my head is so full that I can’t hear (or don’t listen to) His response. Why is it that when I need Him most, it’s hard to find Him. He’s there waiting, wanting, longing for me to come to Him, but in the midst of life I’m so overwhelmed and feel so burdened that I’m afraid to let go and trust in Him wholeheartedly. As if there’s no way for Him to come through in a particular situation. Or, the only way for Him to work, is in the ways I have mapped out in my head. “God, please, I need You to rescue me from this situation. These are the ways you can do that.” But none of these things come to pass, and I decide on my own that the rescue will not be taking place. Why is that I can’t get past my head?!? Do I really believe that God can only rescue me by doing things that I see as being possible. Of course not! I know that any thing is possible through Him. So why then do I limit Him to things that I see as feasible? Why do I think that my way is the only way? Why can’t I wrap my head around the awesomeness of my God, the one who calls me by name…the one created me and knows my inner most thoughts. Why do I, in my weakness, try to maintain control of the circumstances of my life?? Who am I that I can I control the things of this world? John 15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Apart from Christ, I can do NOTHING! I know this! So why then do I go on, taking things into my own hands. Apart from Christ, I AM NOTHING! But oh the joy today, for my heart to be opened to the fact that “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”(Philippians 4:13) I have been rescued from my self. “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:26-28) I am reminded today that “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)
Thank you, Father, for interceding on my behalf and for rescuing me from myself! You are such an awesome God! Teach me to praise you in the storm. Allow my heart to get past the things in my head. Overwhelm me with Your unfailing love and take hold of my heart, despite myself. Thank you for being my rescuer! I praise You, for You are Almighty God!